Monday, July 26, 2010

And so today. . .

Yesterday, I poured my heart out.  I typed a blog page full of my sadness and complaints. 

but don't look for it here. . . because it remains unpublished. 

Sometimes one must put thoughts into words and give voice to feelings.  And so I did. 

Today, it is back to me, Sorta.

I still have a lingering sadness about me.  A mild depressive state.  Is there anything really wrong in my life. . . nothing life threatening.  Just stressors that in a year will be over, five years a memory and in 15 years forgotten. 

I will say this, in 1 year I hope to work less.  No more 130 hours in 2 week time.  Yes, that is how much I work.  69-70 hours one week ad 60-62 the next and then start over.  I think this is what depresses me.  No time to just be.

The lesson I am learning.  Appreciation of time.  Stop wishing your life away.  Be happy for the quiet.  Enjoy just being without having to do or go. 

And even bigger. . . Prayer. 

I stopped praying.  I stopped meditating.  I started thinking I could do it by myself.  And look what I created.  God, did not do this to me.  He simply got out of my way as I asked and let me have my way.  And now he waits.  Waits for me to get out of the way, hand over the reins.  I know this will work.  I know I will be able to rest if I do, so why don't I? 

Okay God,      HELP!  and thank you. 

1 comment:

  1. Amen. We've all been there, I use to work insane hours and I still work two jobs but I've learned to take a little time to be the me he created me to be.