Yesterday, I poured my heart out. I typed a blog page full of my sadness and complaints.
but don't look for it here. . . because it remains unpublished.
Sometimes one must put thoughts into words and give voice to feelings. And so I did.
Today, it is back to me, Sorta.
I still have a lingering sadness about me. A mild depressive state. Is there anything really wrong in my life. . . nothing life threatening. Just stressors that in a year will be over, five years a memory and in 15 years forgotten.
I will say this, in 1 year I hope to work less. No more 130 hours in 2 week time. Yes, that is how much I work. 69-70 hours one week ad 60-62 the next and then start over. I think this is what depresses me. No time to just be.
The lesson I am learning. Appreciation of time. Stop wishing your life away. Be happy for the quiet. Enjoy just being without having to do or go.
And even bigger. . . Prayer.
I stopped praying. I stopped meditating. I started thinking I could do it by myself. And look what I created. God, did not do this to me. He simply got out of my way as I asked and let me have my way. And now he waits. Waits for me to get out of the way, hand over the reins. I know this will work. I know I will be able to rest if I do, so why don't I?
Okay God, HELP! and thank you.